SHARES
“I daydreamed about my baby and imagined myself as a mother. It was all expectant bliss. And then, all of a sudden, the happiness came to a stop. You can’t imagine the deep pain and heart break.” says Maria 31, on the miscarriage of her first pregnancy.
Losing a baby during pregnancy is heart breaking. Sadly, miscarriages are quite common given that about 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage.
What is Miscarriage?
Miscarriage is the expulsion of embryo or fetus from the uterus before 20 weeks of gestation. It is common and most are caused by genetic abnormality of the fetus. It has nothing to do with the daily activities such as exercising, having sex, and working.
If you are excited over a positive pregnancy test just weeks or months ago, and start forming bond with the baby inside you, coping with a sudden miscarriage is not easy. When a miscarriage happens, you may feel shock, sadness, guilt and worry about future pregnancies. In fact, all these emotions that you are feeling are normal. But you need to give yourself some time to heal physically and emotionally.
Coping With Emotions
No matter how early in pregnancy was the loss, you may feel it deeply. However, friends or family would tell you that you shouldn’t feel such a great sense of loss. Particularly when it is an early pregnancy loss, so most people think. However, an early pregnancy loss is no easier to cope with than one later in pregnancy.
In the event of a miscarriage, a woman might feel a range of emotions. From shock and denial to sadness to guilt and frustration, causing the person grieve and in pain. Your body ‘s hormonal shift after the pregnancy loss may intensify the emotions you are feeling.
Whatever you are feeling, it is perfectly normal. You have the right to grieve and it is part of the recovery. For a start, take positive steps to handle your grief and soften the pain. By all means, express your feelings in your own way. .
Coping with A Partner
Your partner may feel the loss deeply too. However, being a guy, he might respond differently as compared to women. Most men will feel incapable and frustrated because they feel that they are unable to help with their partner’s pain and loss. Such being the case, most men will try to avoid the subject, possibly causing the partner to think that they don’t care, when they really do. Share your feelings with your partner and encourage him to open up to you too.
Photo by barnapkins from Flickr
Finding Support
Sharing your experience with someone who has the same experience can be comforting and reassuring. In like manner, it is equally important to join a support group. Professional counselling may help too. Just do what is right for you.
Ready to Try Again
So, the question now is when are you ready to try again? Normally, it is safe to conceive again after one normal menstrual cycle. The first menstrual cycle happens after 4-6 weeks after miscarriage. But do check with your physician and they will let you know what is best for you. If there is scarring in your uterus or placenta left behind, they might suggest you to wait longer. It’s important not to rush into next pregnancy. Give yourself some time to heal physically and emotionally before moving on.
The fear and worry about the future pregnancy is normal. However, most women will have a normal pregnancy again. Try talk to your physician about the concerns and worries that you might have.
Photo by Cuba gallery from Flickr
Conclusion
Whatever you are feeling after a miscarriage, you are not alone. Feeling the sadness alone in the dark and keeping the problems to yourself can sometimes make the situation even harder. Help is always available. Talk to your partner and healthcare provider. Find a support group and friend to share your experience. Allow yourself time and space to heal over time.
References:
1. Coping with miscarriage [Internet]. Stamford Children’s Health. 2020. (Available from: https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=coping-with-miscarriage-1-4036; last accessed on 2020 Oct 24)
2. Kristeen C. Pregnancy loss: processing the pain of miscarriage [Internet]. Healthline Media. 2019. (Available from: https://www.healthline.com/health/coping-with-miscarriage; last accessed on 2020 Oct 24)
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by Chang Xian
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