SHARES
Stress is an inevitable aspect of our lives – be it during childhood, adolescence or adulthood. When managed ineffectively, stress can persist over the years and become detrimental to well-being.
Accumulated stress lead to emotional disorders like anxiety and depression, as well as other physical (bodily) and mental problems (Lupien et al., 2009; Southwick et al., 2005). As such, teaching our children to be able to navigate and manage stress is important to groom them into strong and capable adults.
What is resilience?
Resilience is the ability to overcome difficult experiences, eg. stress, adversity, failure, challenges, or even trauma. Actually going through these difficult experiences can help to positively shape people. As can be seen, resilient persons are able to respond positively instead of succumbing to adversity. For the most part, they demonstrate adaptability in finding creative solutions and responses in the midst of negative events.
Why is having resilience important?
Resilience is the ability to withstand stressful situations and overcome difficult life events. As confidence level increases with each resolved setbacks, this also nurtures a person’s strengths and capability in overcoming challenges.
In the long run, resilience serves as a strong and effective buffer against stressors and hardships. Thus having a nurturing and positive parenting style can serve as a safe space in which our children can feel secure and comfortable to turn to in times of distress or struggle.
However, with that being said, protecting our child from any hardship or struggle would be unhealthy and counteractive to building our child’s resilience. Because then, they would not experience setbacks and attempt to tackle them on their own. Most importantly, how we respond and guide our child in overcoming their obstacles and challenges greatly influences the development of their strength and resilience.
How can we develop resilience in our child?
Be a positive role model for your child
The first important step towards developing resilience is to demonstrate resilience to our child.
Emotion regulation is crucial, whereby we are able to handle difficulties calmly and positively. One way to do this would be to take responsibility for mistakes in front of your child. An example would be, “I made a mistake, but it’s ok because everyone is bound to make mistakes! Instead, I can focus on learning from my mistake, such as by not doing…”.
Another way could be to demonstrate looking positively at the bright side of things, instead of focusing on mishaps. You could say, “Although this happened, but I’m glad that at least…”. Exemplifying healthy coping strategies in response to stress, such as journaling or exercising would also be helpful.
Build a strong bond with your child
Besides that, children need a secure base to feel safe and confident in exploring the world and the outside environment. Provide children with a safe space and convey to them that they can fall back and turn to you in times of need. Not only does this allow you to know all that is going on in your child’s life, it also develop their resilience and confidence in the face of adversity.
Encourage flexible thinking and a growth mindset
Firstly, guide them to identify the root cause of the distress, followed by solutions to the problem, or to look at the obstacle from an alternative perspective. Teach them to embrace their mistakes, as learning from mistakes leads to strength and courage.
Gradually, children will learn and model this growth mindset, cultivating their resilience in the long run. Nonetheless, it is still important to acknowledge their emotions during hardships, as brushing their emotions aside may lead to other problems.
Build their confidence
Building up confidence encourages children to be independent and have faith in their own abilities and strength. Hence, one useful strategy would be to acknowledge good choices and actions, rather than focusing on their mistakes. On the other hand, the use of negative language on children (such as “You are stupid”, “That’s a dumb thing to do”) can greatly impair their self-esteem and confidence.
When a mistake is made, emphasise that it arises from their behaviour, which is within their control. This helps to reorient focus to their behaviour, rather than implying that the problem lies within their lack of capabilities or poor character.
Lastly, praising your child no matter how small the action or deed, can also go a long way in reinforcing positive behaviour, boosting self-confidence and increasing motivation and resilience to bravely tackle challenges ahead of them.
A Word from Thrive Psychology
Here at Thrive Psychology clinic, we are committed to helping all children and adolescents thrive! As such, we offer a variety of services and interactive workshops which seek to inculcate and develop the important and necessary skills in our children and youth. Our goal is to get an accurate read on your child’s experiences so that we can create an individualized intervention plan that targets their unique needs. For more about our services or workshops, do contact us and we would be more than happy to assist you!
References
- Chatterjee, R. (2019, January 05). Six ways to raise a resilient child. Retrieved February 07, 2021, from https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jan/05/six-ways-to-raise-a-resilient-child
- Fleming, J., & Ledogar, R. J. (2008). Resilience, an Evolving Concept: A Review of Literature Relevant To Aboriginal Research. Pimatisiwin, 6(2), 7–23.
- Lupien, S., McEwen, B., & Gunnar, M. (2009). Effects of stress throughout the lifespan on the brain, behaviour and cognition. Nat Rev Neurosci 10, 434–445. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn2639
- Southwick, S. M., Vythilingam, M., & Charney, D. S. (2005). The Psychobiology of Depression and
Resilience to Stress: Implications for Prevention and Treatment. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 1(1), 255–291. doi:10.1146/annurev.clinpsy.1.102803.143948
Thrive Psychology Clinic contributed this article.
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by Joanne Lee
Multipotentialite. Loves creating and seeing ideas come alive. View all articles by Joanne Lee.
