SHARES
“Well, I’m not the eldest, I’m not the youngest. Who am I?”
“Middle child syndrome” describes the psychological condition of the children who is born in between the firstborn and the youngest. They are considered resentful, neglected, envious. The feeling of unimportant, unseen and unheard might cause them to confuse about where they fit in.
The existence of middle child syndrome is still up for debate and not much grounded in real sciences. Not all middle child sharing the same traits. There are other variables that determine a child’s personality e.g. parenting technique, financial status, blended family.
Stereotypes of Middle Child
1. Low Self-esteem
Middles usually have lower self- esteem compared to other birth orders. This can be due to the fact that they receive less attention and being excluded in the family.
2. Trust Issues
We learn to trust as we are loved and trusted. Middles usually have such issue as they have the feeling of unloved and discriminated. The unfair treatment can even breed the feelings of jealousy, and cause them to treat others as rivals.
Photo by John from Flickr
3. Attention Seeking Behavior
Middle child lacks attention at home. Therefore, they will go out of their way to get attention from their parents e.g. Throwing tantrums and acting fussy over small things.
4. Avoid Rocking The Boat
Middles dislike conflict and hard to say no. This can be a problem, because they can be taken advantage by friends and colleagues. They will also try to avoid addressing problems in their relationship or at work.
The Secret Powers of Middle Child
Although middles are neglected and unloved in the family, but in the long run, this might give them some irreplaceable traits.
1. Small Ego
Although one may think that the low self-esteem of the middles as downside, but the flip side is that they have small egos and can tolerate rejection better. Since they receive less expectation from the parents, they are not too hard on themselves. Middle kids are less likely to develop emotional disorder e.g. depression.
2. Skillful Negotiator
Middle child is used to things not getting their own way. So, they learn to negotiate. They are more willing to compromise, and go with the flow and argue well. Middles know when to pick and choose battles.
3. Strong Leaders
They have the privilege to learn from the elder sibling and serve a role to the youngest, giving them a unique perspective on just about everything. This nature creates strong flexibility, good negotiating skills, and empathy- which make a great leader.
4. Trailblazers
Middles are the risk takers and dare to carve their own path. Their innovation is due to their openness to change and experience more things in life.
Photo by Evelien Standaert from Flickr
5. Good Team Players
They make a great team players as middles are used to sharing. Moreover, they tend to seek connection from outside for support as they receive less attention at home. Middles sustain strong and long term friendship. Feel lucky if you are a friend of middles, appreciate their loyal and genuine compassion rather than convenience!
6. Justice seeker
Having seen injustice in the family from a very young age, middles knows exactly how it feel when one is treated unequally. They attuned to the needs of others as they grow up.
7. Great lover
Much like their friendship, middles create strong and loyal romantic relationship with their partners. As a natural peacemaker, they can negotiate and are more willing to compromise when conflict arises.
Photo by anna psareva from Flickr
Conclusion
Overall, we can’t stereotype one based one birth order. There are many other variables affect personality e.g. gender, financial status. There are many misconceptions about a middle child. It is also the only birth order position that has a syndrome named after it. In fact, middles are much more than we think. They develop traits that serve them well as adult. We need middle child in the world!
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References
- Lynne G. The secret powers of middle child [Internet]. Sussex Publishers, LLC. 2019. [ Available from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/field-guide-families/201210/the-secret-powers-middle-children; last updated on 2012 Oct 18; last accessed on 2019 Aug 24]
- Brandon S. 11 Proven middle child syndrome isn’t real [Reader digest]. Trusted Media Brands, Inc. 2019. [ Available from: https://www.rd.com/advice/parenting/middle-child-syndrome-personality/; last accessed on 2019 Aug 24]
by Chang Xian
View all articles by Chang Xian.
